In last week’s blog we talked about the subtle, yet lasting affect of holding hands. While simple in its application, its impact on intimacy can be formidable.
There’s another tool in the love arsenal that can also help to promote intimacy. It is prevalent early in relationships, but wanes as schedules and responsibilities whittle away time.
You Are Appreciated
It’s the simple acts of “Appreciation.”
Appreciation is defined as, “the recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something.” Or as the late rap legend Tupac Shakur eloquently stated in his opus to his mother “Dear Momma,” there’s nothing as impactful as simply stating, “You are appreciated.”
It is so easy to take the unselfish acts of a spouse or mate for granted. While we may appreciate the activity, over time a few things can happen:
- They may perform a certain task (wash your car, buy you flowers, make your favorite dish, wear your favorite outfit even though they don’t like it, etc) for such a long time that we no longer see the sacrifice on their part and view it simply as, “what they do.”
- You become so busy doing your part within the relationship that the unselfish acts of your mate don’t register as easily as they did when the schedule was less cluttered.
- We no longer think a compliment or act of acknowledgment is necessary because you’re married and you shouldn’t have to thank them all the time.
Reality
Everyone wants to be acknowledged, sometimes. No matter how much they may say, “Oh, I would do it anyway,” or “No, you don’t have to thank me,” everyone enjoys the feeling of knowing they are impacting the life of the person they love.
It’s not always the large, extravagant acts that will bring a smile on the face of a loved one. Sometimes it’s the small, considerate ones that make the difference over the long haul.
Just writing a note on a sticky and leaving it on the bathroom mirror. Or perhaps getting a greeting card and slipping it on their pillow, the dash of their car or in the bag they take to work. You can meet them during the week for lunch and surprise them with flowers.
Those small daily/weekly connections are more vital to the long term health of the relationship than the annual or quarterly expressions. However, that doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice one for the other. They’re all tools that can work together.
Tokens of Appreciation
You can kick it up a notch. If your husband is a yard work warrior, surprise him one week and have a landscaper handle the yard and let him spend the time he would have been in the yard doing an activity that he enjoys. Perhaps you get a cleaning service to take care of your home one week and send your wife to the spa as a sign of your appreciation for what she does in your home.
The possibilities are truly endless: Surprise vacations, celebrations, tokens of appreciation, etc. Whatever road you take, please make sure that they know they are appreciated…and often. Because if you don’t someone else will.
Rev. Robinson – “Love God, Love People”
Rev. Elliott Robinson, JD, MDiv 